Favorite 2011 Asherisms and Judisms

January 17, 2012

I’m no scrapbooker and I’m an inconsistent journaler at best, so here’s my not so creative recap of some of my favorite Asherisms and Judisms from 2011.

After my teasing Asher that we might never see Daddy and Jude again, Asher asks, “Are you teasing me? Are you being a step-mom?” (We must have been reading fairy tales that week)

This next category is some of the metaphysical questions Asher has been asking about God–usually fired off in rapid succession without a chance of my answering any of them:

“If God put his hand on a saw, would it cut his finger off? Can God see me now? Can he see me through that plant? Is God bigger than this house?

After my telling him that God never sleeps. “But he did after he made the world.” (equating “rest” with sleep).

Can God see my eyeballs when they’re closed?
 
After telling Asher he can’t hide from God: “Can I play hide and seek with God?”

General life:

"That’s funny, mom, I can hear Jude when he plays in the basement.” Pause. Can you hear ME when I play in the basement?“ (Yes, dear. Have you never noticed I appear at just the right moment to settle disputes and administer justice?)

While watching me work out: "Mommy, you are strong. But not like daddy. But Daddy is not beautiful.” (Pretty clever if you ask me. He’s managed to figure out the men crave power, women crave beauty thing)

“Is jelly fruit, mom? Shhh, don’t say it out loud, the fruit flies might overhear!”

After my exclaiming how much I love the sun. “I love the sun too mom–even though, God says we won’t need the sun because He will be our light.”

Mommy: Asher are you angry with me? Do you think I’ve treated you unfairly? Asher: “Yes, but I’m not having a temper!”

Jude:

Mom, I love you sooooo much! You are so nice to me.

After discussing sin: “I shouldn’t scream.” (in anger)

“Ooooh, what is THAT?” (pointing at a pomegranate) It’s so pretty!!“

"Mommy! The washer is shaking again–like this!” (pantomiming violent shaking)

After checking on him when he was taking too long getting dressed. “No, I don’t need help, but can you just stay back here with me because I really love you.”

“Why does water DO that?” (after briefly falling under water in the tub and choking and spluttering)

After vomiting in the middle of the night: “It’s yukky!!” and later: “It happened AGAIN!”

“I love you mom. I’ll obey you all the day.”

Favorite questions: “What’s that noise?” “What’s this place called?” “Can I kiss it?” (he’s my affectionate one!)

His lawyer like answers to my questions: Me: “Jude, did you obey?” Jude: “I THOUGHT I did.” Me: “Did you disobey?” Jude: “I didn’t think so.” or “Yes, but it was an accident.”

Jude, don’t go back to your room right now, Asher is in there. “But it’s my room TOO!”

As much as I love the individual things these kids come up with, I love the conversations they have with each other even more. Some of my favs…

Asher: “Jude! Is mommy happy?” Pause. Jude: “She’s not happy with my temper.”

Asher: “Jude, Let’s pretend to be false gods and mom can worship us.” Jude: “What are false gods?” Asher “They are statues that look like gods but aren’t real.” (there are no words…)

Asher: “Jesus is God.” Jude: “NO! He’s the SON of God.”

Boys together quoting Ruth: “Where you go, I’ll go, where you stay, I’ll stay, and your God will be my God.” And then their parody: “What you say, I’ll say, what you don’t say, I won’t say.”

Asher: “Are you sorry for your temper, Jude? That was disgraceful.” Jude, “Yeah, I’m sorry.”

And some of our all time favorite brotherly conversations occur at dinner time. The boys enter into this bizarre one upmanship thing and it usually goes something like this:

I put you in my treasure chest and locked it and threw away the key

Well, I found the key and opened it.

You can’t. You were inside. Underwater.

Well, I broke open the box and swam out.

Then I sent a bear after you and he swallowed you.

I jumped out of his tummy and poked your eyes out.

I climbed a ladder to get away from you.

I broke the ladder.

Then I climbed a rope.

I cut the rope

I jumped up into Heaven.

God cast you out of heaven. (And that is where we have to intervene because something sacrilegious usually follows)

And this compilation would not be complete if I didn’t include some of the things they still mispronounce. When Jude wants to play with our bowling set, he asks to play “rolling pins.”

Both boys (for reasons completely unknown to us) call a remote “[gih-mote-tuh].”

And both boys still call blankets, “glankets.”

All this and much much more. I LOVE these boys!!




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