Kidisms!

June 2, 2015
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I came across a small collection of kidisms

in my sock drawer once all the dust had settled from our move. I hastily scrawl these things on scratch paper as they’re said, trying to hold on to the little gems before they’re forgotten. Haven is just a storehouse of funny comments these days. She’s observant, imaginative, perceptive, volatile, and surprisingly sweet and thoughtful. She always remembers to inquire about my back. She won’t leave a room without a hug and a kiss. And to our endless delight, she has trouble with grammatical constructions and is the queen of mixed metaphors. I wish I could capture her animated, hyper, far too loud voice, complete with hand gestures and dramatic facial expressions as she says them, but until that happens, I have this blog to remind me of the sweetness of these early years. And I have the memory of our care group leader asking if we could somehow get Haven to record the voicemail greeting for his phone. Just hearing this girl talk brings a little sparkle to everyone’s eye.

HAVEN:

*Eating a Southern dinner of biscuits and gravy. “Mmmm. Is this good for me? I’m so surprised that I like it. My sweet tooth is telling me I shouldn’t like this.”

*Complaining about the many long days inside this winter: “Oh, winter took all my fun away and threw it in the trashcan!!”

*Observing daddy lick a knife. “Gasp!” turning toward me: “Daddy is licking that knife. Is that okay, mommy?!”

*“Daddy, you have a lot of hair all over you body.” Giggle. “You’re kind of like Elmo.”

*After a discussion about confessing and acknowledging our sins Haven sweetly asserts, “Mommy doesn’t have any sins.” Note to the peanut gallery: she is perhaps not as observant as I said…

She has several funny speech habits. She constantly turns adjectives and nouns into verbs and distorts the English language in countless other ways. She can’t seem to get a handle on cliches though she tries her hardest. The boys think she’s hilarious, but Haven can’t abide be laughed at–at least not by her brothers.

*Wet (normally an adjective, unless in the mouth of Haven) “UGH! It’s so hard to get dressed after my shower because of all my wetness.”

*woof (onomatopoeia turned noun) “I think the neighbor’s dogs are out because I heard woof-es.”

*“I choked, mom, the food went down the wrong throat.”

*“May I tell you a question?”

*“I am almost to winning!!”

*“I promise to keep it a secret (birthday surprise) my whole wide life.”

*After sitting quietly and listening to the Who Made God? track on our catechism CD: “Did God make his self?”

*And after the Do You Have a Spirit as Well as a Body? track: “Do I have a pirit?” (she never pronounces an initial “s” or any s blend sounds)

The boys are cute too–just no longer in a four year old way.

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ASHER:

*Asher to Haven: (context unknown) “You can chirp like a happy little bird on a branch!”

*Oh wow! Look at that sunset! The sun is like Jesus and all the clouds are bowing down to him.”

*Jared to the boys watching a movie in another room: “Tell me if you see anything bad.”

Asher reporting: “Uh Oh! I just saw something bad–that guy is riding his bike without a helmet.”

*After witnessing a tense conversation between Jared, me and another biker who was angrily telling us to move to the other side of the road or we would kill our children: “She needs to remove the log in her own eye!”

* “You know Jude, adults aren’t really being nice to us when they let us watch a movie. They just want us to be quiet so they can talk.”

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Asher also authored an original short story entitled: The Door Snake. He wrote it as a gift for Stella and Ruby, but I photographed it before I sent it off.

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You can find me under a door. You won’t notice me, but beware: I will bite! What am I? The door snake. Be careful when you look at some pictures like this one, okay!

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This snake is called the door snake. It is very poisonous. They are usually close to doors–that is why this snake is named the door snake. The door snake is really big that is why you see those loops (editor’s note: I can’t read or recall what he wrote here). But the snake can easily slide under doors and camouflage into the door’s color.

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Here is one good tip. If you look a door snake in the eye, don’t run, don’t shout, don’t stomp. This is what you do: go on the ground–back or belly–and stay on the ground till the snake goes away and if it does not go away you will see

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If you see the door snake, you will die. You know why–because the door snake does not like people looking at him. So it would bite and you would have to be in the hospital in 10 minutes. Otherwise, you would swell up and die. But we have medicine today, so if it bit you, you would swell up and not die. Whew–that’s good! Use that tip!

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So as I was saying on page 3, that if the snakes don’t go away, this is what you do. Go on your belly and slither like a snake. This will make the snake think you ARE a snake. Simple, right? Let’s learn more about this snake. Well the snake is very good at camo. You will see it and it will look like a big lump on the door (because it is so big), but you will not at all think it is a snake. But if you are smart and know it is a snake, go to your mom and dad and tell them (someone old). Or if you are like the kid on Home Alone, you should act and do the stuff I told you to do on page 3. Show action to the snake. Don’t look at his eyes!

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Door snakes come in many different ways. You need to be careful (very). Even though door snakes are scary, you should not be afraid!

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Asher and Haven playing “head of war” as coined by Asher.

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This book is probably really short, but it does not matter. The thing that matters the most is your safety.

JUDE

This middle child of mine is mostly cute, sweet, absent-minded, klutzy, highly analytical and very, very mathematical. He’s often in another world–thinking through how things work and solving mathematical equations. 

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*Jude: “What are you singing, mom? Me: Oh, just some song daddy got stuck in my head (Kenny Rogers–The Gambler). 

Oh, “the I’m the man, I”m the man, I’m the man one?”

*Gently escorting Haven inside after she fell and skinned her knees. “Mom, Did I run to the problem?”

*Resignedly biting into a meal that was provided for us after we moved. “Ooh, Asher! It’s better than it looks!”

Some of the papers and artwork Jude has brought home the last few months:

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I like books about snakes. I like books about hot lava. I like books about soldiers. (love how he can spell “soldiers” but keeps forgetting that troublesome “m” in his last name =)

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I have friends. My friends are Owen and Liam. They live in Detroit.

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I am Jude. I like to swing. I like to read. I like to ride my bike.

Love these three monsters! Here they’re playing at Silver Lake on Memorial Day

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Pajama Day at School. Haven simply could not be left out. She’s about as happy as can be since her jammies have cupcakes on them. It’s the next best thing to actually eating cupcakes, I suppose.

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