March 28, 2012

I regularly call my mom and offer up all the recent anecdotes about her Compton grandchildren. After a good laugh, more often than not, she’ll say: “I hope you’re writing these things down.” I used to have that steel trap memory–much like Asher’s–so I assumed I would just remember all these things, but I’m finding that LOTS of them slip, so I’m trying to discipline myself to record more and trust my memory less.

So, here are a few recent and lighthearted Jude and Asherisms, along with an update on the little princess.

Asher (one month shy of 5), Jude (3), Haven (13 months)

Me, correcting Asher: “Why did you say that, Asher?” Asher: Silence, thinking, much twinkling of the eyes and then: “Because I thought it had great value.”

On our way to the Apple store, I was busy prepping the boys on how they should behave. They promised and promised to obey and not touch ANYTHING.

So I asked, “And what if you break your promise and disobey?” Asher said with much fervency: “May you punish me greatly.” Jude: (said with equal enthusiasm, but a bit less sincerity!) “NO, May GOD punish us greatly.”

Asher–flexing his muscles and wielding his light saber: “I’m the most powerful boy in the world! No one is more powerful than me–no daddies and no five year olds.”

Asher–after eating his first bite of polenta: "Ugh, Mom. This is kind of yukky.” (And then, quickly backtracking) But I really like it!!“

After being served his supper of Vegan Panang Curry Asher mumbles, “Ugh! It smells like Tattooine.”

Asher to Haven (who was wearing her first capris of the season): “Hey there, short pants!” He has many other terms of endearment for her as well. Among my favorites are: “My young apprentice” and “Youngling.”

Asher to Jude: "I’m not going to play with a boy who screams.”

Asher exclaiming when he saw a red and yellow straw together: “Looks like ketchup and mustard.” (He has a poet’s soul. He’s always making these comparisons, but I’m always forgetting to record them. When he was two he compared the way he was eating an ice cream cone to the way a caterpillar eats through a leaf)

Asher: “Mommy, maybe I’ll marry a virgin.” Me: “Hmm. Maybe. That would be great.” “What IS a virgin, mommy?” Me: (desperately wanting to change the subject and secretly annoyed with their audio Children’s Bible for introducing the term!) “Well, (going for an incomplete definition) a virgin is a person who has never been married. Asher: "Oh. So, is Haven a virgin? Are you a virgin? Am I?” Me: "Well, I’m married, but you, Jude, and Haven are. Would you like another sandwich?”

A few days later: Jared talking to Asher. “Haven is our little princess."  Asher: “No, daddy, she’s a little VIRGIN!”

Asher while building with Lincoln logs: “And creeping monsters making fierce noises came out of the forest and damaged the house and ate everyone inside. Then they crawled back to the forest and into this building. It’s a SCARY place.”

Jude–also wanting to contribute to the narrative: “And he (one of the monsters) fell down and cracked his head open and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich fell out.”

Asher–sending me out the door one night: “And be careful. And if you get into trouble, you can use your cell phone to call daddy.” Followed by both boys–“And watch out for pick pockets!”

Asher to Jude: what does it taste like? Jude: “It tastes like honey taken from a honey pot.”

Jude–after eating everything else on his plate: “Um, I’m going to save the mustard for tomorrow.”

Jude quoting from the book of Mark getting dressed at bedtime. “And he left his clothes behind and ran away naked!” (followed by jubilant streaking through the house)

Me: “Jude, why did you break the crayon and throw it at church?” Jude: “Because I thought it was funny.”

Asher’s response to hearing about death is always the same. While reading 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (again, spoken with great fervency): “Oh NO! Was he BAD? Why did he have to die? Will he come back to life when Jesus comes back?!!!!“

Jude’s response to the same death at sea and sea burial in 20,000 Leagues: “Whoa. Are there skeletons at the bottom of the ocean?!”

Asher’s response was the same when when Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web wraps the fly and explains how she’ll suck his blood later. He was very concerned about the death of the innocent fly and wanted reassurance of his future resurrection. Poor sensitive soul! ("Was he BAD? Are animals BAD?) Why did he have to die? Will he come back to life when Jesus comes back?”)

Jude: “Mommy! There’s a bear on top of the house right now!”

Jude: “Jehoiada had no legs so he had to walk on his bottom.” Me: Hmmm (desperately trying to recall my Ancient Israel history). Jude: (DEFINITELY pulling my leg now): “Yeah, and he had two sons–named Asher and Jude.”

Jude: “I had dreams last night while I was sleeping and visions this morning when I woke up.” (What do I do with this kid?!!)

Haven has added “dog” and “car” to her vocabulary. She is also pointing and pulling up a lot and beginning to cruise just a bit. She is also crawling up the stairs. Sad! She is showcasing her little temper too these days–throwing things she doesn’t want and hitting if she’s upset. She holds her own against her brothers quite well. They love to play “monster” with her, screaming and running away from her like she’s a terrifying monster. She plays her part admirably–roaring and shrieking and hooting loudly when they run away feigning fright.

Recently, I moved her away from the oven when I needed to open it. She communicated her rage by hitting the floor with both hands. But when I told her the oven was hot and could hurt her, she immediately started blowing on it. Cuteness! I have never attempted signing with my children, but Haven has developed her own sign that she occasionally employs to let me know she’s ready to get down from the table. She pantomimes washing her hands. She is also pointing out items in picture books (dogs mostly) and will move her face in front of mine to make eye contact and to obstruct my view if I’m not looking at her. She also has developed a very loud, (and very fake) laugh which she uses to get her brothers’ attention if they are otherwise occupied. We love this spirited little girl!

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